How I reclaimed my feminine…

A few days ago I shared with you the story of how, after despising and rejecting my femaleness from the age of 7, I began to rediscover and reclaim my Feminine essence during an unexpected transformational experience around the age of 25.

Up to that point I had prided myself on being androgynous, beyond gender, and certainly anything but feminine. Please know I’m in full support of anyone exploring, identifying as, and embodying any gender or non-gender they want. However, at that point in my journey, I made the fundamental and harsh realization that my gender fluidity was not actually authentic to me.

It was the result of my complete rejection of my femininity, my girlyness, my femaleness, my womanhood, in full favor of the perceived strength and invincibility of the Masculine, without ever stopping to consider who and what I was rejecting.


I did not know what I was missing having axed the Feminine almost completely out of my life…

I was not in touch with my emotional body;
I was more sexually numb than I wasn’t;
I rarely orgasmed; I replayed relational patterns of obsession and rejection;
I wasn’t in touch with my imagination, creativity, or excitement;
I preferred the company of guys to girls;
I certainly had no sense of sacred sexuality, the precious cycles and rhythms of the feminine, or the essential contribution of the feminine to the mix of life… All of this was lost on me…

Though that first sensual bubble bath that I shared with you about, when I shaved my legs and underarms for the first time in years, and put on a pink chiffon nightgown and matching pink feather slippers might seem a silly, or even cliche, reacquaintance with my Feminine essence; in fact it was mightily important.

First and foremost because I chose it. And it chose me. It was not imposed on me as a function of cultural feminization. And that moment opened the door for many other transformations with the Feminine to enter my life.

What is amazing to me all these years later is that after having invited the Feminine into my life, not least of which through the help of Shakti Malan and her offerings in Tantric feminine sexuality and spirituality, my life is much different.

For starters, my being is so much more balanced and immersed in the Feminine.

I’m now extremely in touch with my emotional body, understanding how my emotions are communicating with me and allowing them to do so.

I’m deeply sensitive, attuned, energetically alive, and massively orgasmic in my sexuality.

I have unpacked many of my relational patterns, understanding their origins. When they arise, I now have compassion and ease with myself, noticing where my default wants to take me, and choosing deliberately instead a different course of pleasure, togetherness, and basic trust in life.

I allow my creativity and imagination to flow through me especially through dance, and these days excitement and pleasure are my primary guideposts.

I am connected closely with many female friends and relish the company of women more than I ever have in my life.

Each of us has our own unique journey with how the Feminine shows up in our lives and through our beings, and how nearly every facet of our lives, including and especially our sexuality, is affected. For many of us, the journey has been treacherous. Living in patriarchy has been brutal. But it’s time to Awaken.

And Awaken we will!

With a few days still to register you’re invited to participate in the upcoming 9-month Sexual Awakening for Women course.

Experience living every day as the Awake Feminine whose sexuality is natural and wild, unfettered by the past, and an expression of deep love and creative abundance.

Over the course of these 9-months you will journey together with a group of awakening wild women from all over the globe. Facilitated by myself and Rhianne van der Linde and supported by Tiffany Bowns (all three of us senior students of Shakti’s), we will explore what coming awake and alive into your Feminine Sexuality really means. We will guide you through a close examination of what it means to embody the Feminine in this modern, very confusing age. We will immerse in abundant love for self, other, Earth and life as such. We will learn to master sexual shadow, ride the tiger of sexual desire, and arrive at the heights of exquisite ecstasy. This and so much more.

The time has come for women across the world to awaken to the fullness of our spiritual-sexual essence. Join us and reclaim your amazing birthright of pleasure, embodiment, and a wild, natural, free sexual expression!

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