I’m deep in the throes of what I thought was a passionate sexual attraction. Clothes are coming off, hearts are beating fast, lips and sexual organs are colliding. I’m looking deep into his eyes – and then I discover – he’s not really looking at me. Suddenly, I remember: ah, we’re doing that again. We’re playing the game of passionate sex – and I’m going to walk out of this having felt nothing at all. Or if I’m less lucky, it will have been painful.
Then in the days to come, I’m going to wait for every sms… counting the minutes for the next sign… he loves me, he loves me not.
One day, I recognize: That’s the reason I’ve been playing the sexual game – not because I want a great sexual experience in my body, but because I’m hoping to be flooded with messages of love, acceptance and adoration… those messages that the little girl, or the teenager in me, wanted from her father.
Now what? I’ve recognized that sex is actually about emotional gratification for me – and more than that, about living an emotional fantasy and pouring most my life juice into hoping that this time, this time, my fantasy will come true.Ca Now, in having recognized this, I could beat myself up (that would turn me into a good Catholic martyr), I could demonize boys an sex… or I could: Act it out!
All of us – every single one of us – has an unconscious filled with characters like ‘daddy’s little girl’ that pop up unexpectedly (mostly when it’s most embarrassing). And so we develop the habit of stuffing the lid on these characters. Instead, what I’m suggesting you do is: Let them come out for fresh air. Once you’ve noticed a character (or caricature) from your unconscious, you can consciously step into acting out that role.
Women, what would it look and feel like to, for one day only, let yourself act our Daddy’s Little Girl? What would you wear? Can you see yourself batting your eyelids innocently at unsuspecting older men? What kinds of conversations would you have with your girlfriends?
And guys, what would it feel like to step into your inner Caveman for a day? Dress like the alpha male, the diesel mechanic, and go strut your stuff in town. Give your preferred gender merciless looks of desire – conquer them with one glance.
Sounds like fun? This exercise gives you a taste of where we’ll be going with The Soulmate Within live online 7-week course starting 23 May.