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The Kiss: Why Not to.. and How to
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news: Tantra doesn’t like kissing – or at least not kissing as it is generally done. Here I shall explain to you why, and then bring the good news: There are some potent alternatives.
The problem with kissing
Boy meets girl (or girl meets girl/boy meets boy): If there is sexual alchemy, two things tend to happen. The masculine (in men or women) goes into sexual excitement and starts to work out a plan to get to base 1. Kissing has, in his experience, good direction to aim in. Why so? Because as the masculine experiences sexual excitement as first response, so the first response of the feminine (in men or women) when she feels attraction, is to enter romantic fantasy.
Kissing supports romantic fantasy. It happens close to the brain, and puts you into a light – or sometimes heavy – trance – that supports the building of ideas and fantasies. Check for yourself. Does that feel true? You are literally stimulating the brain as the main organ of sex. This is a wonderful idea of building sexual illusion. A deep kiss is likely to make the feminine feel that she is loved. Unfortunately this feeling is the result of chemicals released in the brain only. Fortunately for the masculine, however, this illusion of love that the woman now feels is going to make her willing to enter base 1. The sexual excitement builds.
It is important at this point to distinguish between love, excitement and romantic fantasy. Love, the way Tantra understands it, is pure presence – no story, no expectation, no projection. Kissing early on in sexual connection, is a pretty full-proof way to trigger the brain’s projective mechanisms. The result is so much less of a chance to connect with the real of this moment.
How then to go about the kiss?
Save the kiss for later. First get the whole body involved. Love all of her/him. Meet in presence. Breathe together. Explore each other in conscious touch. Try a full-body melting hug. That will communicate something of the real of embodied love.
Kiss the body. The mouth can be a wonderful lover, for sure. You can use your lips and your tongue to love his/her whole body – starting with the big toe (unbearably delicious) and moving all the way up to the nape of the neck.
Kiss on the mouth – later. Kiss lightly, preferably not french kissing. French kissing is an imitation of penetration. Don’t substitute – go for the real thing. Once you have really made love, engage the kiss by all means.
Tongue on upper palate. Keep your tongue on your upper palate while making love. This encourages sexual energy to rise, from the genitals, all the way up the spine, through the brain and the mid brow-point and coming to rest on the palate. The upper palate is the point where the upward and downward flow of sexual energy connect. From here the sexual energy flows down the back of the throat, through the heart and comes to rest in the belly as life force or vitality. If you cycle your sexual energy like this, you are more likely to experience full body orgasm, and the man is less likely to ejaculate (and thus lose his sexual energy.)
Tip pushing up on palate. If you like the penetrative feeling of french kissing, here is a potent alternative. When your sexual energy is high, arch your tongue backwards, and push it up against the upper palate, as though you want to penetrate the palate. Look into the third eye. Squeeze your PC muscles, and pull up the sexual energy.
Bite the upper lip. The upper lip in a woman is directly connected to her clitoris. In love play, experiment with lightly biting/chewing her upper lip. Wait for the woman to be very relaxed and receptive before trying this. Personally, I prefer this move to direct clitoral finger stimulation, which tends to be too harsh on the highly sensitive nerve endings of the clitoris.
Curling tongues. Ok, if you have to do the French kiss thing, then put it to good use. The Taoist way is thus: Curl your tongues around each other, and hold them like this while you cycle your sexual energy in the microcosmic orbit (see tongue on upper palate.)
Let the sounds come out. Kissing is engaging the throat and mouth area. Perhaps this part of your body wants to be more expressive in lovemaking. Let the sounds come out!
Sucking nipples or penis. French kissing has a sucking quality which draws on our earliest, infant memories of belonging and nurturing. It can be really healing and integrating for a man to take time – a good half hour a day – to suck his lover’s nipples, almost the way a baby does it. Women, you can suck the penis. Take all your attention and presence into this act. Make it an act of pure devotion.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]