Conversation with Your Inner Masculine

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Conversation with Your Inner Masculine

The underlying issue affecting women’s sexuality today is that we have been operating from an outdated male model of sexuality.


With that in mind, I’d like to give you a simple 3-step practice for addressing this problem by having a conversation with YOUR masculine.


Step 1: Recognize the Voice


As with so many women, the number one thing that stops the awakening of your Feminine Sexual Essence is an old masculine voice that’s playing like an antique gramophone in the back of your head. I’m saying old, because it is a historical voice.


It’s a version of an internalized masculine voice in us that really belongs to the previous century (and earlier). And it’s saying something like this:


  • “You don’t have time for this touchy-feely stuff. You’ve got way too much to do already.”
  • “Get in touch with your feminine? You want to be weak like your mom or crazy emotional like your aunty? You want to wear frilly dresses? Is that your life mission?”
  • “Don’t even try this. You know you’re going to fail. You’re already such a failure as a lover.”
So, this first step is to simply recognize this voice and acknowledge it consciously without needing to “do anything with it.”


Step 2: Notice How this Voice Runs You


I’m sure many women – and men – who read this email, can recognize these voices. They belong to an outdated version of the masculine in us who believes that life is all about personal performance and achievement.


This step is about being honest with yourself and noticing the degree to which your life is still RUN by this outdated voice. I can write about this because I know this voice so clearly in myself. And I know just how stubborn and driven it is in my life.



Now with a conscious awareness of how this voice works in you, it’s time to engage this “old masculine” voice when he comes up in you.


Step 3: Have the Conversation with Your Masculine


Having a conversation with this masculine voice in you is THE key practice that can open the gates to your Feminine Sexual Essence, as it has for hundreds of women I have worked with over the years. Here is what you do:
  • Put out two pillows facing each other. The one pillow is ‘your’ pillow as the feminine. The other pillow is that of the masculine voice that keeps playing in the back of your head. Switch between the two pillows. When you are sitting in your pillow, speak to the masculine voice as though you are speaking to a man sitting there. Then switch to the voice’s pillow and imagine that you can speak as a man who has that voice to yourself as the feminine. The purpose is to bring more space, awareness and attunement between the two.
Now, I’d like to suggest to you a flow for this conversation…
  • I tell my masculine that I appreciate everything he has achieved up until now. This is important. Without acknowledgment, this masculine voice will not be open to discussing new possibilities.
  • I express my desire to awaken to my Feminine Sexual Essence – to feel myself more as a woman, to have more space, to live from authentic impulse, to get off the treadmill. Find the words that are true for you. This is often the hardest part for the feminine – to admit what she most deeply wants.
  • Then I move over to the masculine pillow and let him respond. At this point, he might show resistance and say something like: “You’re asking me to change focus. I am really enjoying the success I am having at achieving my current goals. I’m not interested.”
  • I go back to the feminine pillow. Now it’s time to be appreciative but tactful. Express your faith in the capacity of your inner masculine to take on a new challenge. If this doesn’t work, gently make him aware of how exhausting – and how lonely – it is to keep plodding away the way that he has been.
  • Go back to the masculine and let him respond. Being made aware of his yearning to have more of the feminine nourishing his space is usually the thing that will have your inner masculine opening and saying YES.
  • Once he’s given his support, you are good to go!


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