In my post last week, “from Tarot to Tantra and back again”, I mentioned the tendency that those aspects of ourselves which have been relegated to the deep underworld of our unconscious have of finding their way to the surface and wreaking havoc with our consciously constructed lives…until we stop and consciously embrace and face them.
This reminded me of a story that Shakti shared from her life:
“My father prided himself in his capacity to ‘hold his liquor’. He was also very involved with a group of Anti-Apartheid writers who could ‘hold their liquor’. As a child, I experienced their dinner parties as repulsive, and set myself apart from this behavior by going to Sunday School at the Church (against his wishes) where I was taught that even wearing makeup would lead a good Christian girl astray from God (needless to say, I never wore makeup!). This conditioning (by the Christian tribe) and my reaction to my dad’s ways contributed to my living an anti-sensual lifestyle in my younger years.
After I discovered sex in my late twenties, I had a series of lovers who had what I would call a Dionysian nature. They were socially and sexually gregarious. I loved the freedom and spontaneity of their beings – floating through water and nymphs, drumming and dancing crowds into ecstasy – but was always repelled by their inability to decide what they wanted in relationship. Despite thisDa repulsion, I kept attracting Dionysian men into my life – until I explored my relationship with ancestral addiction patterns.
In doing the ancestral addiction mapping, I realized that my father had this Dionysian quality. He loved gathering people around a cause and festivities. In his world, the level of sharing that was involved in such gatherings was socially condoned by getting a little tipsy.
I realized in reflecting on this quality in my dad that my inner masculine actually had strong Dionysian qualities. Although I had thought of my inner masculine as more Apollonian – the stern and structured academic – he actually has immense capacity to gather people around for deep, sensual discovery. Once I saw and accepted this latent capacity in myself, I started living it – hence me doing what I do today!
And needless to say, once I started living the dream underneath the Dionysian addiction, I no longer attracted imbalanced Dionysian men into my life.”
Shakti’s story reminds me of something often encountered in family constellation work: Until we become aware of and take full responsibility and ownership of our choices and our lives, we will keep playing out and continue being subjected to the unconscious patterning and belief systems of the families and tribes that we have belonged to.
Although it often feels like we are the victims of circumstance or ideology, the truth is: We have a choice. We can choose to look at and address the patterns that are prevalent in our lives. We can choose to face what is often awkward and uncomfortable and sometimes even ‘unbearable’ embracing our shadowy creations with awareness and love. We can choose to honour all of ourselves with the energy of our focused attention, enabling them to release and ‘self-liberate’. Freeing yourself from the inherited behaviours and beliefs that no longer serve you well. Empowering you to live the life that you truly desire. A life that you consciously choose, rather than a life that is living itself unconsciously.
During our Sexual Shadow Integration 9-month deep dive into your sexual unconscious, which is currently closed for registration, we spend a month examining how to free ourselves from the unconscious contracts and addiction patterns around intimacy that we have inherited from our ancestors and that are currently shaping our relationship with sexuality.
If you have any questions about this training or would like to participate in the future, please email me and we’ll be sure to answer these thoroughly.