Let's Go Subtle with Sex

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Let’s go Subtle with Sex


Ok, so we know that sex as we do it in our culture is not quite it. Perhaps you and I are some of the lucky ones who have gone beyond the culture and learnt a few techniques to improve our sex lives. But even our increased sexual gymnastics does not leave us fulfilled. We might even have gotten some Tantra lessons and learnt to stare into each other’s eyes for uncomfortably long periods of time. And yes, that’s kinda sweet – but yet nothing has fundamentally changed yet.


We feel sexually unfulfilled. We know that there is more to sex than we are living. We find ourselves in the outer temple, desperately longing to enter that inner temple of sex which we know exists – inside of us. If only we could find the way in. Or perhaps we find ourselves at this point even outside the outer temple walls. How to even begin approaching this topic of sex? How do I, me, mine start to love – truly love – myself as a sexual being in a body? And how to span the chasm I experience between me and another human being that I might want to enter into sexual union with?


These are some very real questions people are asking. They are good questions. And they deserve some straight answers.


Newsflash: Sexual hunter lays down the club


We all know that stereotypical image of the Paleolithic man who drags his woman by the hair into his cave. It would go us all a lot of good to realize that the caveman still exists in us – men and women – and tends to control much of our sex lives. He’s dressed up smarter these days – in a suit or sexy lingerie – but from the depths of the reptilian brain, he is still pumping the same message through our bodies as he did millions of years ago: I need to get what I want, else I won’t survive.


The desire to get what we want sexually – that orgasm, that ultimate experience of being loved, that sexual satisfaction – is driven by our inner Paleolithic cave man. And that cave man is fueled by a neuropeptide called dopamine. Dopamine is the body’s natural cocaine – it fuels us on to go for the hunt. The trick about dopamine is that it has us feeling fantastic while we are hunting – but dopamine has no interest in the completion of the hunt. In other words, it keeps us on the treadmill. One orgasm done – it’s time to start longing for the next one.


In our modern day and age where women have become supermen, we have become as driven in our sex lives as that caveman.


How do we lay down the club of the sexual hunter in us? By allowing for an expansion into a different kind of bliss. Imagine that hunter inside, shooting off short fuses and bursts through your nervous system until he is utterly exhausted. Imagine him coming to float on a bed of warm water held by loving arms. Imagine his breath slowing right down, going deep and expansive, and his limbs softening and opening up. The shift is taking place: Cave man is no longer operating just from his sympathetic nervous system (our fight, flight, flee and fuck nervous system). He is starting to connect into the parasympathetic nervous system – which welcomes him into a state of deep surrender, relaxation, trust and blissful opening. He is starting to feel sensations with infinite sensitivity and delight.


Now you might ask yourself: Where in the world does one get the opportunity to have this kind of shift in experience? I’m delighted to announce that you will quite literally have the opportunity to be floated in warm waters and to have your nervous system re-patterned this September in England. Come spend 5 days with us and awaken your subtle sexual body.


From thinking and hunting to Stillness and presence in sex


The modern version of the hunter is the thinker – thinking has become our main survival tool. But when we bring thinking into the bedroom, the result is a disaster. How to quieten that incessant mind and come back into your body? This return to a wholesome life requires the initiation of practice to deepen your capacity for stillness of mind and presence in the body – with yourself and with a beloved. The subtle sexual body retreat in England will offer you just that training.


Stop it – and feel it! Feeling versus emotionality


Most people would be shocked if they could see just how much of their sexual activities are a total avoidance of presence and intimacy. We run around trying to create more sensation, experience and reaction – and in the process we desensitize ourselves from feeling what is actually right here. We live in the shallows of our heart by pursuing emotional states which Hollywood has told us go with good sex.


My advice to you is: Stop it! Stop the emotionality, and stop the pursuit of experiences. Get real. And start to feel. Deeper than the emotional display is the true feeling that comes when we meet each moment – and meet each other – naked, undefended, without preconceived ideas, and without expectations of where this will go. By continuing this practice, we start to built true intimacy and deep commitment in our sexual lives.


Kiss the night sky: Subtle feeling


Truly making love is like kissing the night sky. It is an experience that is infinitely rich with subtlety – like being inside the weaving of a silken cloth. The difference between subtle sex and the world’s idea of sexing can be compared to the difference between eating fast food and eating a gourmet raw feast. If you are addicted to fast food, your body won’t register any pleasure in the more refined tastes that are available for you. It takes a letting go of the familiar, and an opening to more subtle possibilities, for us to even begin registering what is possible in sex. If you’re interested in experiencing the rainbow, and not just black and white in sex and intimacy, the subtle sexual body retreat may be just the initiation that you need.

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