Skywalking together: Reflections on the wedding ceremony

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The Garden of the Beloved

 

The ceremony took place in a retreat center called Temenos, also known as the Garden of the Beloved. The owner, Billy, created this space as an honoring invocation and celebration of the Beloved through all spiritual traditions. As you walk through the center, you will find the writings of Rumi on the wall, an African angel for lost children, a medicine wheel, a chapel called the Little Way where Christ and Buddha kiss hands, a zen garden, a massive Buddha, and a womb-like space called the Well, named after the well in the center of the space.

 

I have spent some potent times at this retreat center. I came here at one point after a year of living in the wilderness. I was wild, unhinged, and madly in love with the Beloved within. Billy sat with me and listened to those inner love songs that were coming through me. Here is a piece from one of my poems from that time:

 

But your love

Would not let me go

Waited patiently

For this moment

To rip down the veils

Exposing my naked

And throbbing

Desire

To be with you

 

I will not reason,

Defend

Or argue

Beloved

I will just drop down at your feet

And gaze into your eyes

Like a simple fool

Who knows nothing better

In the whole wide world

 

 

Little did I know at that point that those songs would one day meet themselves in the face of a beloved in the body, one who loves God with a fiery passion. And so of course, the marriage was to take place in the Garden of the Beloved, facilitated by Billy, the priest of the Beloved.

 

Gremlins on the way

 

When one sets off on a quest such as marrying the Beloved in form, then it can be expected that gremlins and gargoyles will show up on the way – the creatures of the night, attracted to the feast. Ours showed up on the morning that we set off to Temenos. The owner of the flat that we had paid to rent on our return from the wedding wrote to say that the family who had rented the flat before us, had gotten into a family feud and destroyed all the electrical equipment as well as the couch in the apartment. He wanted us to pay more money so that he could fix the flat.

 

So here we are, driving to our wedding, and in our lap comes landing a family feud, violence, destruction and fraud (we never were given access to the flat we had paid for). The stress about this rental that preceded this moment had already caused some tension between Aaron and I, and I could see how easily this stressful happening could turn this moment into a feud between us.

 

My beloved Aaron turns to me and asks earnestly: “So, love, how are we causing this? Where can we find these ways of being in ourselves – violence towards one another, lack of clarity around money, and lack of straightness in communication? How do we buy into the fear frequencies of this world?”

 

And in this reflection, faced with the scary gremlins evoked by this moment, I felt something drop into a deep inner stillness and alignment, as through I become internally the sword of truth. I see clearly what was going on here, and I see clearly my choices. I choose to step into this fire of fear and let is burn away everything that is not real here. This marriage shall not be a creation of the fight between man and woman or the capitalist fear-bind that coupledom has become because we have allowed that in our world. Even though everything may burn away in the process, we will walk towards this union in truth. I thank the gremlins and gargoyles for showing up with this test.

 

Kings and queens Standing Sovereign

 

Arriving at Temenos, we started off the ceremonies with a separate gathering for the men and the women on Friday evening. It was a royal gathering of the kings on their own, and the queens on their own, to dream into what we are creating through this ceremony.

 

In the soft light of the Well, the women gathered in a ceremony of pure being and receptivity as tender as a silken thread of love. They covered my body in wishes written on ribbons that were draped around my body, honored and affirmed the sisterhood and then we danced wildly in celebration of this union.

 

The men came together in a ritual challenge and then some heart sharing that was so potently vulnerable and real that it revolutionized the heart space of many gathered there. Aaron’s dad was deeply moved by the sharing of the men, and this led to a deepening in the relationship between father and son that was so palpable – it became a highlight of the wedding for many.

 

We are learning to be kings and queens, standing sovereign, in the light of truth, and willing to bravely feel it all.

 

The Mirth of the Masters

 

The next morning, our beloved teacher Bernie Prior spoke to the whole wedding party all the way from New Zealand over Skype. He held us all in absolute delight and pure open-hearted presence, soliciting conversation and reflection on what this ceremony meant for us.

 

Here is a man who carries a profound knowing of what can happen when two people come together to love God in one another, and to realize their divine nature together. He knows what it takes – the willingness to feel the tear between man and woman, to bring consciousness and love to that so that it can be brought home. This man, who has been witness to the intense turmoil Aaron and I have gone through to come to this union, reflected to us that the honesty of our sharing is what will make this a wedding like no other. In feeling the fight, moving through it, choosing the union and discovering that we were never two – we become the ones who give birth to the stars in our lovemaking.

 

Unseen Hands from the Sky

 

In order to create this wedding, we have called on the unseen hands of the master beings that make such a union possible. We are skywalking here – not following a familiar path, but creating what is true in this union as we go along. We are walking the sky through the power of our intention, and with the support of the unseen realms.

 

As if in deep intuitive knowing that it is so, my artist friend created for us mobiles of silver hands which she hung in the trees we walked through on our way to the chapel.

 

 

A circle of hands holding

 

The inner marriage happens between two people without ceremony. The wedding ceremony itself is our calling on a community of meaning that is able to hold the field of our intention. On so many levels, this is exactly what happened. From those who were there in person, to those who held us from afar in their love and good wishes, we were held in a circle of hands. As we have asked the guests at the wedding, I say that to all of you now who have been holding us in your awareness: You are our witnesses – the witnesses of that which we intend to create here. If you feel called to, then carry that role proudly. Like kings and queens, we walk this path together.

 

Exploring Boundaries

 

Within the first week after the wedding, Aaron and I had the opportunity to drop so much deeper in our union. This required truck loads of love and truth. One thing I came to see clearly in this time: Marriage for us is not the putting up of a picket fence to protect “ours” and to proclaim possession over each other. It is an invitation to live profoundly from the core of our being. When we drop right into that core, then we know that we are one, and that that union is calling us deeper and deeper into this profound opportunity: to realize that the masculine and feminine were never two, even though they have come through male and female bodies.

 

A Deeper Dive

 

Two weeks after the wedding, I got some health news that suddenly and radically called Aaron and I to revision our year. It is abundantly clear that my body now needs to nest somewhere quiet and delicious, and have plenty of time for self-love and being loved by all around. We have listened to the calling and decided to stay in South Africa for the year. As swiftly as the calling came, my man has pulled in to support me in what is now required – a change of plans, a deepening of our spiritual practice, and a change of lifestyle. Though we are in the unknown, I feel totally abundant and well. Life could not have been better in this moment. Big love and gratitude to you all. Let us skywalk this year together!

 

I can’t resist ending this blog with the following poem which my brother and a dear friend both sent me:

 

This Marriage – by Rumi

May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk,
this marriage, like wine and halvah.
May this marriage offer fruit and shade
like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
our every day a day in paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.
May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,
an omen as welcomes the moon in a clear blue sky.
I am out of words to describe
how spirit mingles in this marriage.

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